Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
