elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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