I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I deserve this hangover.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
