he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My life is pants optional.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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