I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
