So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I looked at my own cervix.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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