My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
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Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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