can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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