last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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