the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
