I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
why is half of my head shaved?
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