why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
