Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
PANTIES FOUND
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