No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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