If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
