This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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