birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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