I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
