I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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