I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
