I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
