You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
