I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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