Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
