if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
