I saw his package. It spoke to me.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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