I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize