I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
