I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
