Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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