last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
