He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
