so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
