An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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