It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
