Only a mothe r could love this liver
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
