make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
