I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
