I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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