I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
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See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
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One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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