Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
