But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
