She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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