hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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