I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
