UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
