her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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