dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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