I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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