i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
