Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
