I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
