I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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