woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
