So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
