god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
