literally had 100 drinks last night.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize