my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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