i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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